Here is an example for you to model when you write your advice column. The topic is different from yours, but the
style is the same.
Dear Abbydisius
My neighbour is driving me crazy! Every morning he gets up at the crack of dawn
and starts playing his flute right next to my bedroom window. It is very annoying,
not only because it's so early, but also because he can't carry a note to save
his life! I would like to speak to him about it but the last time we talked, he
threatened to impale me with his spear. A nasty person!
Abbydisius, I need my sleep! I have a pottery business that depends on me being
alert and productive every day. But right now I am not, thanks to Mr. Tone Deaf.
What should I do?
Drowsy in Delphi
Dear Droswy,
If this man has threatened you, my advice is to speak to the local authorities.
You have a right to feel safe in your own home and to speak your mind if something
is bothering you. It sounds to me like this neighbour of yours has some issues
he needs to resolve. It also sounds like he needs to take some music lessons.
Good luck and be strong!
Abbydisius